Change Your Words If You Want More Freedom
When you accept the reality of freedom, you will experience a profound change for the better in all of your relationships. And, a simple tool to use is just change your words.
Your new freedom starts when you pay attention to how often you use "should, ought, and must" or the negative versions "shouldn't, ought not, and must not."
Our Natural Tendency
For example, suppose a person curses at you. The natural tendency is to defend yourself by reacting to their bad values. Your thinking will typically have some form of complaint about their behavior like, "what a jerk" or "that's unacceptable."
Any statements like that or if you curse back at them, is actually a "shouldn't, ought not, or must not" statement about them or their behavior. Obviously, you can use different words, but "should, ought, or must" is still what you are thinking or what is in your mind!
Pay attention to your reaction or defensiveness in those situations and you will gain some valuable insight into yourself. In most times you are defensive, it is because you are upset about something that you think you can or should control. In other words, "They have no right to say that to me! They shouldn't be acting that way!"
Actually They Are Free to Act That Way
Often, it is difficult to accept reality, especially when someone curses at you or treats you badly. It's tough to let them do it and not react, because you want to correct their bad behavior. But, reality is - they are free to be a jerk, whether you like it or not.
And, of course, you are free to defend yourself, especially in situations that get physical. But there is a difference between defensive and defending. You are free to tell or ask them to stop cursing at you. If you are reacting to them, being defensive, you are controlled by their behavior. If you can tell or ask them to stop, and at the same time, accept that they are free to continue, you are not controlled by them.
Time to adopt better thinking and accept reality! Stop using "They shouldn't curse at me!" and start using different thinking and different words.
Be Deliberate and Change Your Words
Start right now and watch how often you use "should, ought, or must" thinking. Consider a simple situation like when a person cuts you off in traffic. That typically creates "should, ought, or must" reactions. Now, think about the same situation and change your words.
- - "It would be nice, if they wouldn't do that, but they did."
- - "I would prefer they didn't act that way, but they did."
- - "Reality is they are free to act that way and I am free to not be controlled by them!"
It may sound silly to say it that way, but just notice the different emotions that you create when you can say those words versus, "What a jerk!"
When you change your words, you think differently. And, it changes or influences your emotions. Words are formed from what you think, so when you change the structure of your thinking to use "It would be nice...", it changes your speaking and your emotions.
This will help you be more self-governing, because you are now PRE-DECIDING!
Try this simple tool. It works!