Slow Down! Remember the Control Boomerang

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One of the best ways to help yourself stop controlling is to slow down. That helps you remember the control boomerang that is about to hit you.

Remember what we say about most control people? They are...

Good people up to NO GOOD!

When we control, we often desire to keep people out of trouble and keep them from making mistakes. If that is true, then there are some reasonably good intentions. But, control people also do not want other people's bad behavior reflecting on them or creating problems for them.

That can have good intentions for others, but it is primarily about yourself.

Slow Down! Remember the Control Boomerang

Recognize you could try to control everything, BUT accept their freedom to choose

Of course, keep that statement in the context of age and appropriate risk. Making mistakes is part of achievement and getting things done. When you respect people's freedom, you live in reality rather than thinking the fantasy that you can control them. Always work to provide as much freedom as possible because that allows them to excel rather than comply with the rules.

So, at least you can slow down and determine if either of those motives is driving you. Better yet, change your mind to consider the following four thoughts.

Invite them to change—you are willing to help AND accept their freedom not to want your help

Hand in hand with you accepting their freedom to choose is their freedom not to want you involved. Yes, you may have much more experience and knowledge about the situation, but they need to learn.

Failure and mistakes are just steps on the path to success. Again, please slow down and invest in their learning on their own. Sometimes, that is painful for them and you. However, consequences are often the only way some people learn.

Paint clear boundaries, clear expectations, AND accept their freedom to cross the boundary

One of the most important things we can develop and help others develop is self-governance or self-control. When you ensure the boundaries, expectations, and consequences are clear, you provide the critical elements to help them grow and develop. This is where you use the Freedom V and then, as you work with them, the Moment of Truth. Check out this course to learn the Moment of Truth.

You can also ensure they know you are available to help if needed. Now, stay in reality that they are free to cross the clear boundaries. It becomes an important lesson for them not to cross the boundaries if you let them experience the consequences each time they cross them.

Explain the painful consequences, AND accept their freedom to experience them

As stated above, failure is part of success. Some consequences carry more pain, but all can be turned into learning. Indeed, we do not want people to go through severe consequences, but the reality is people can and will choose to do things that create long-term consequences. Your responsibility is not to keep people from the consequences; it is to explain the pain as best you can and then stay in reality that they may choose them anyway.


Those thoughts will only come to mind if you slow down and change your thinking. When you don't, you end up being controlled by their behavior.

Additionally, the most important common element in all of the statements is they are free. That is something you may not like, but it is reality. The intelligent way to live is to do what you know is right. Share the consequences with them and enforce them if it is part of your authority. You teach people that consequences aren't real when you don't do that.

If you want an additional perspective, watch this TV Show, "Seed of Consequence," and read this blog, "Free to Choose Bad Consequences."

Decide to slow down, be self-governing, and do what is right despite what others do. Don't let the control boomerang get you.


anger, being controlled, controlled, controlling, de-energized, irritated

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