One of the best ways to help yourself stop controlling is to slow down. That enables you to remember the control boomerang that is about to hit you.
Remember what we say about most control people? They are...
Good people up to NO GOOD!
When we control, we often want to keep people out of trouble and from making mistakes. If that is true, then those are reasonably good intentions. But, control people also do not want others' bad behavior to reflect on them or create problems for them.
They may have good intentions about others, but reality shows it is primarily about themselves.
Recognize you could try to control everything, BUT accept their freedom to choose
Of course, keep that statement in the context of age and appropriate risk. Making mistakes is part of achievement and getting things done. When you respect people's freedom, you live in reality rather than the fantasy of trying to control them. Always work to provide as much freedom as possible because that allows them to excel rather than comply with the rules.
So, at least you can slow down and determine if either of those motives is driving you. Better yet, change your mind to consider the following four thoughts.
Invite them to change—you are willing to help AND accept their freedom not to want your help
Hand in hand with you accepting their freedom to choose is their freedom not to want you involved. Yes, you may have much more experience and knowledge about the situation, but they need to learn.
Failure and mistakes are just steps on the path to success. Again, please slow down and let them learn from the mistake. Sometimes, that is painful for them and you. However, consequences are often the only way some people learn.
Paint clear boundaries, clear expectations, AND accept their freedom to cross the boundary
One of the most important things we can develop and help others develop is self-governance or self-control. When you ensure the boundaries, expectations, and consequences are clear, you provide the critical elements to help them grow and develop. This is where you use the Freedom V, and as you work with them, you use the Moment of Truth. Check out this course to learn the Moment of Truth.
You can also make sure they know you are available to help if they need it. Now, stay in reality that they are free to cross the boundaries. It becomes an important lesson to help them not cross the boundaries next time if you let them experience the consequences this time.
Explain the painful consequences, AND accept their freedom to experience them
As stated above, failure is part of success. Some consequences carry more pain, but all can be turned into learning. Indeed, we do not want people to face severe consequences, but the reality is that people can and will choose to do things that create long-term consequences. Your responsibility is not to keep people from the consequences; it is to explain the pain as best you can and then to face the reality that they may choose them anyway.
FINALLY...
Those thoughts will only come to mind if you slow down and change your thinking. When you don't, you end up being controlled by their behavior.
Additionally, the most important common element in all of the statements is that they are free. You may not like it, but it is reality. The intelligent way to live is to do what you know is right. Share the consequences with them and enforce them if it is part of your authority. You teach people that consequences aren't real when you don't do that.
If you want an additional perspective, watch the TV show "Seed of Consequence" and read the blog "Free to Choose Bad Consequences."
Decide to slow down, be self-governing, and do what is right despite what others do. Don't let the control boomerang get you.