Slow Down! Remember the Control Boomerang

One of the best ways to help yourself to stop controlling is to simply slow down. When you do that, you also need to remember the control boomerang that is about ready to hit you.

Remember what we say about most control people? They are...

Good People Up to No Good!

When we control, there often is a desire to keep people out of trouble and keep them from making mistakes. If that is true, then there are some reasonably good intentions. But, control people also do not want other people's bad behavior reflecting on them or creating problems for them.

That can have some good intentions for others, but it is primarily about yourself.

Slow Down

So, at least slow down and determine if either of those motives are driving you. Better yet, change you mind to consider the following 4 thoughts.

Recognize you could try to control everything, BUT accept their freedom to choose

Of course, keep that statement in the context of age and appropriate risk. Making mistakes is part of achieving and success. When you decide to respect the freedom that people have, you live more in reality than thinking you can control them. Always work to provide as much freedom as possible, because that gives them the opportunity to excel rather than just comply with the rules.

So, at least slow down and determine if either of those motives are driving you. Better yet, change you mind to consider the following 4 thoughts.

Recognize you could try to control everything, BUT accept their freedom to choose

Of course, keep that statement in the context of age and appropriate risk. Making mistakes is part of achieving and success. When you slow down and decide to respect the freedom that people have, you live in reality rather than thinking you can control them.

Always find ways to encourage as much freedom as possible. That creates a structure for them to excel rather than just comply with the rules.

Invite them to change—you are willing to help, AND accept their freedom to not want your help

Hand in hand with you accepting their freedom to choose is their freedom to not want you involved. Yes, you may have much more experience and knowledge about the situation, but they need to learn at some point.

Failure and mistakes are just steps on the path to success. Again, slow down and invest in their learning on their own. Sometimes that is painful for them and you. But, consequences are often the only way some people learn.

Paint clear boundaries, clear expectations, AND accept their freedom to cross the boundary

One of the most important things we can develop and help others develop is self-governance or self-control. When you make sure the boundaries, expectations, and consequences are clear, you provide the critical elements to help them grow and develop.

You can also make sure they know you are available to help, if needed. Now, make sure you stay in reality that they are free to cross the clear boundaries that have been set. Often, when they cross them, it becomes an important lesson to not cross it again, if the consequences are not minimized.

Explain the painful consequences, AND accept their freedom to experience them

As stated above, failure is part of success. Some consequences carry more pain, but all can be turned into learning. Certainly, we do not want people to go through severe consequences, but reality is people can and will choose to do things that create long-term consequences. Your responsibility is not to keep people from the consequences, it is to explain the pain as best you can and then stay in reality that they may choose them anyway.

FINALLY...

None of those thoughts will come to mind unless you slow down and change your thinking. When you don't, you end up being controlled by their behavior.

Additionally, the most important common element in all of the statements is they are free. That is something you may not like, but it is reality. The smart way to live is do what you know is right. Share with them what the consequences are and enforce the consequences if it is part of your authority. When you don't do that, you teach people that consequences aren't real.

Decide to slow down, be self-governing, doing what is right in spite of what others do. Don't let the control boomerang get you.

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