Do I Have To?!?! Obligation or Self-governance?

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There is a big difference when you feel an obligation or "have to" compared to a "want to." What happens to you when you sense that you "have to" do something? Think about that Saturday when you get to do whatever you want. Now think about how easy it is to get out of bed!

But, on those days that you "have to" do those awful chores, those menial tasks, it takes effort to get out of bed.

Do I Have To? Obligation

Obligation De-energizes - When You No Longer See a Choice

You no longer see a choice when you think you "should, must, have to," That creates a focus only on what you don't want to do. You roll your eyes when you think about it. It drains your energy, and you have less energy to start.

Obligation creates a react and respond life, not a choose and create life. You focus on something other than the benefit of doing this task, how it could help others, or, most importantly, what satisfies your higher value. So you create a bad attitude about it, often because you lost sight of why you chose it in the first place.

Of course, many things appear to have no choice. For example, your boss tells you to take out the trash. Do you have a choice? Of course, you do! What about the simple choice to live with good values? Or, you may choose something basic like staying employed. What do you think about having a tidy workspace? There are options, but it may be difficult to see them now that you focus on what you "have to" do.

There are always choices, but when you sense obligation, you no longer see your options. And one of the best ways to do mundane or menial tasks is to have them satisfy a higher value in you, like self-governance or excellence. Whatever you do, you do it to the best of your ability, not just complying.

Obligation Removes Freedom - When You No Longer See a Choice

Similarly, what you may freely choose to do, can now become a "have to." You decided to go to a function with a friend because it seemed fun at the time. Now, the event is near, and you feel obligated to go. "I can't believe I told them I would go with them."

Of course, you don't "have to" go. You are free not to go but don't see that choice because it feels like an obligation. A straightforward way to remove the obligation is to choose a value like supporting your friend or just being with them. The choice is still available; you do not see or will not choose it!

Obligation Cripples Commitments - When You No Longer See a Choice

Finally, while this is much the same as the first two, it highlights the damage obligation can do to you. For example, suppose you commit to a monogamous relationship when you get married. Then, after a few months or years, you don't feel the attraction to your spouse. So, you start thinking you are trapped or are obligated to remain married to this person. The more you feel obligated, the more you encourage rebellion and dismiss your commitment to the monogamous relationship.

It is the same with committing to excellence at work, losing weight, or being kind to a difficult person. You will no longer see a choice to commit because it has become an obligation to rebel against. Expect damage to you and your reputation to show up soon!

Check out the power of self-governance and the outstanding tool of Primary and Secondary Choices.


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