Do the people around you consider you a control person? The problem with control people is they fear that bad things will happen to the people around them, especially those closest to them. So, they try to control almost everything to prevent those bad things from happening.
That isn't fun for them or the people around them.
But, can control people change?
Yes! You can stop controlling everyone around you. You can lighten your burden and remove the load you have placed on others. Change can happen by just changing the words you use. But it only happens when you practice freedom for yourself and everyone else.
Is My Fear Real or Imaginary?
Okay, think about real dangers and imaginary ones.
The problem is that control people have difficulty discerning the difference. How can you know if a fear is imaginary? The answer comes from considering time – as in the past, present, and future. Control people see current behaviors and forecast a future result of the behavior, and when that future result is bad, their control goes into overdrive!
Unfortunately, control people will also control if they predict something good will occur. That seldom happens! But even if it does, control people fear it will not last, so things must be managed to make it stay good!
Their control reflects their thinking that bad things happen unless they get involved.
Control people, memorize this simple phrase.
Imaginary fears refuse to use MAY for unknown outcomes!
When you have the urge to control, you use WILL, not MAY; in other words, it WILL happen! That drives even more energy to prove the “FACT” that bad things WILL happen.
Boundaries and Controls Are Still Needed
That does not mean that you remove all boundaries and controls. In other posts, you will see how control, freedom, consequences, and self-governance are outstanding. That is what we call the Freedom V!
For example, in my son's early life, his unorganized, unkempt room irritated me. That unclean room became a huge issue when I mixed truth with speculation. I projected dire future results that would multiply upon him if he didn't become responsible and clean his room. "If he is not responsible for small things, he will not be responsible for big things. His disorderly behavior will translate into a poor work ethic, making it difficult to keep a job. He will not be able to support a family and will … (fill in the rest of the story with heartbreak and tragedy)."
That is how control people think. But reality says, I CAN'T know the future (apart from what God has revealed), so freedom for me and you requires that we understand the difference between real and imaginary fears.
Your Fear Is Mostly Imaginary
You fear others experiencing consequences and having to initiate or go through the consequences with them. Those are bad options for you, so that drives you to control. “I don’t want to see them go through that, so I must prevent it from happening!” Or, “I don’t want to be the ‘bad guy’ to put the consequence on them, so I must prevent it from happening!”
When you fear what might happen, it creates a structure that demands that you control! You may know the FEAR acronym. Our adaptation of it is…
Future Events Appearing Real.
For control people, when our fear is in the FUTURE, it is imaginary because the future has not happened. "But the probability of it happening is real!" Sure, there are always probabilities and possibilities, but even if it has a 99% chance of happening, we still don't know; therefore, it is imaginary.
The critical element is – what is the real threat? What am I afraid of right now? Most often, it is not the situation or even the other person’s behavior but your fear of what might happen!
So, learn to ask, "Is this fear real or imaginary?"