Holiday stress is what too many people experience during a time that could be so much better. Hopefully, gathering for the holidays is a beautiful, warm, and blessed time for your family. However, for many, it is "turkey and stressing" due to unresolved family issues or simply different preferences.
For too many families, you can't talk about problems because of the fear of creating holiday stress. Instead of wanting to be together and enjoy the time, you fear getting together.
Unresolved Issues
When families get together, the family history package arrives with each person. And, for many families - maybe yours - that's a problem, as holiday stress adds to the mix. It's tough for those families when unresolved problems are the giant "elephant in the room."
One of the four common relationship mistakes is "keep the past in the present, " which agitates and irritates family members, creating "ME" flashing moments. Family members "walk on eggshells," afraid they may say the wrong thing, which might "make someone mad." All of that increases the stress of being together.
"Turkey and stressing" anyone?
Be A Catalyst for Good
Leadership and relationships work BEST when people resolve issues rather than let them fester into painful sores.
Consider this: If issues aren't resolved from both sides, resolve them from your side. Move away from holiday stress, even if the rest of the family doesn't.
How? Be a catalyst for change. A "catalyst" is...
an agent that speeds up change and does not get conformed or changed in the process.
Note the two parts of that definition: 1) speeds up change, 2) not conformed or changed.
Jesus Christ is the ultimate catalyst. When He was in a situation, people either changed positively or became sad or mad at Him. But, in no case did the situation ever change Jesus.
Look at every conversation or interaction He had with people. His values never changed, and neither did His focus on doing what was best for them. And He NEVER made anyone change! He only shared the truth in love and allowed them to choose to change or not.
Additionally, He did not pout or get mad when someone ignored what He said. Consider the interaction between Jesus and the rich young ruler (Matthew 19:16). He did not chase after the man when the man did not follow His answer to "go, sell what you have and give to the poor..."
It Starts With You!
If you want to be a CATALYST for change, don't try to change anyone other than YOURSELF. Holiday stress stands on the foundation of "should, ought, and must"! "They should be acting differently!" or "They shouldn't be acting that way!"
That thinking focuses your attention on their behavior rather than yours. Maybe they "should" be doing things differently, but REALITY is they aren't right now. How about living your good values anyway? How about returning to Course 6 and reviewing the 2 Circles to live in the RIGHT Circle, not the LEFT? When you focus on your behavior, you have the power to take action.
Decide to be a REAL person. That means that you will not wear a mask, nor will you try to use the truth as a hammer. Please take a look at the following questions to PREPARE yourself to be a catalyst.
Two Questions to Consider
"How am I making this (issue, problem) about ME?" Unresolved issues almost always have one or all parties "flashing their ME." A catalyst's first step is to "pursue the best for others." Toss selfishness aside and be a catalyst.
"Do I need to forgive or confess?" If you forgive, then let it go. A great way to do that is to pray for blessings and peace upon those who wronged you. Review the seven steps in course 10 (Catalyze Change - Start With You) for more help.
When you forgive, their behavior no longer controls you. You are free to pursue their best when you get together with them. No attitudes, snarky remarks, or bad thinking about them.
If you decide to confess, use the 4 A's approach. Click here to download some more details.
- Agree that what you did was wrong
- Acknowledge that it hurt them and others
- Admit regret and repentance
- Announce your plan never to do it again
When you decide to be a catalyst and share the truth, it may not make the situation better or make them happy. But this is not about making you or others better or happy; it is about doing what is best for others. When you do that, you are a catalyst for relieving holiday stress.
Jesus did not make the rich young ruler happy, but He shared the truth to allow him to choose what was BEST for himself. Also, notice that the young ruler's interpretation of Jesus' statement did not accept that it was best to sell all he had. God's ways are higher than ours, and He DOES know what is BEST for us.
Now that you have decided to be a catalyst, you can use the Moment of Truth tool to help you.